“Love is Love,” declares a popular slogan in support of redefining marriage to include persons of the same sex. Its implication is clear: if marriage is about love, then any two adults who love each other should be free to marry … so the claim goes. Such an idea seems to have a certain appeal today, since it attempts to hold up the most universal of human ideals: love and freedom. But love and freedom don’t operate in a vacuum. Like breathing depends upon oxygen, love and freedom … and marriage … depend upon truth. Crucial questions cry out to be answered: Does love have anything to do with the human body, with being a man or a woman? Is there anything unique about married love? What is marriage?
“Made for Each Other” (the first video of the Marriage: Unique for a Reason series which is posted to the right) takes up these and other foundational questions about the meaning of marriage. Marriage is about love, but it’s about a unique love that only a man and a woman as husband and wife can give to each other. In the video, Josh and Carrie talk about why men and women matter for marriage. Their dialogue and interactions illuminate the beauty of sexual difference and complementarity between man and woman as husband and wife. Only through sexual difference can a husband and a wife give themselves completely to one another – so completely that “the two become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). True marital union is not possible without sexual difference.
This is why sexual difference is essential to marriage. Sexual difference is the necessary starting point for understanding why protecting and promoting marriage as the union of one man and one woman isn’t arbitrary or discriminatory. Rather, it’s a matter of justice, truth, love, and real freedom. Only a man and a woman—at every level of their identity: biological, physiological, emotional, social, spiritual—are capable of authentically speaking the language of married love, that is, the language of total self-gift, open to the gift of the other and the gift of life.
Any honest consideration of marriage must think about children, the hope of our future. For millennia, people of every generation and of every culture have understood that the marriage of a man and a woman is the central pro-child social institution and the rock of the natural family. Marriage has never been about the relationship of just any two adults. Marriage brings together a man and a woman who unite as husband and wife to form a unique relationship open to welcoming and caring for new life. As the union of husband and wife, marriage is a union open from within to the blessing of fruitfulness. Children are born “from the very heart” of marriage, from the mutual self-giving between husband and wife (CCC, no. 2366). They are the “supreme gift” of marriage and its “ultimate crown” (GS, nos. 50, 48).
“Made for Life” (the second video in the Marriage: Unique for a Reason series which is posted to the left) discusses the gift of children and the unique love that fathers and mothers give to children. “Made for Life” is the perfect sequel to “Made for Each Other,” which explores why sexual difference matters for marriage. Only a man and a woman can authentically speak the language of married love, because only a man and a woman can engage in the act which, by its nature, is designed for bringing new life into the world. This is the awesome call to participate with God in the incredible adventure of creating a new human being, welcoming that child into the world, and forming him or her on the cornerstone of marriage. Sexual difference is vital for the conception of a child, but its importance doesn’t end there. The difference makes a difference throughout a child’s life. There is a consistency to God’s design: just as it is a fact of nature that every child has a father and a mother, so a child needs a father and a mother for the optimal environment for healthy growth in every other way – emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, morally, spiritually. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. They each bring unique gifts to the common mission of parenting, that is, fathering and mothering. The presence of a father and a mother – not merely two adults – teaches children about the beauty of sexual difference and what it means to be a boy or girl, a man or woman.
Are you a bigot if you support preserving the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman in the law? It is no exaggeration to say that the most common criticism leveled against those who hold to the classic and time-honored definition of marriage is that they are being “discriminatory.” “Marriage,” goes the argument, “is a human right. It’s unfair to exclude people from marriage simply because they want to marry someone of the same sex.” However, this begs the prior question of marriage. Rights, equality, fairness, and non-discrimination are all important principles and values for the good of society. But an honest consideration of these principles requires an honest consideration of the natural facts of marriage.
The third installment of Marriage: Unique for a Reason, "Made For The Common Good" (posted to the right) engages the false claim of discrimination and explores the universal significance of the unique good of marriage in service to society and to the inviolable dignity of every human person. Contrary to what is often heard in media and pop-culture venues, and even in some courts and legislatures, protecting marriage as the union of one man and one woman is a matter of justice. Far from being discriminatory, the Church’s teaching on marriage upholds and enhances the dignity of men, women, and children.
There is nothing like marriage, the union of husband and wife. It serves a unique and irreplaceable social role, deserving the protection and privileges of the state. The rights of children to a mother and a father, the rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, to each other and to the children they bring into the world – all of these are safeguarded by promoting and protecting the unique meaning of marriage. The video dealing with the topics of marriage, human dignity, and the common good is currently in production. It is scheduled to be released in 2014. Until then, you can learn more about why preserving marriage between a man and a woman is good for all people and all of society by reading the FAQs on marriage, the common good, and human dignity.
How does the Church’s teaching on marriage relate to people who experience same-sex attraction?
Jesus was very confident in speaking the truth. He was not confined by the traditions of His time. He did and spoke what He knew was the truth. He Himself is the Truth. Jesus did not discriminate, yet he clearly taught that marriage is only between one man and one woman. He also clearly disagreed with sexual behavior outside of marriage. As Jesus did, the Church teaches that marriage between one man and one woman is the only proper context for sexual relations.
The Church’s teaching on marriage recognizes that every human person is made in the image of God and has inviolable dignity. Every human person is a gift, deserving respect and love. It is important to acknowledge that persons with homosexual inclinations have suffered and can suffer a great deal. Historically, they have been treated as second class citizens in many instances. Often, the early years of persons who experience same-sex attraction can be very painful, and can include long periods of loneliness, confusion about their own feelings, the pain of self-hatred, and most sadly, even thoughts of suicide. Unfortunately, some have gone so far as to act on these thoughts.
The Church cares for and accepts persons who experience homosexual inclinations. She refuses to label anyone. Many with a homosexual inclination attend Mass regularly, are active in parish life, and seek to receive the sacraments. The Church invites and welcomes everyone to pray and worship, and is eager to listen to everyone’s story. The Church has long worked in ministry to those suffering from HIV/AIDS, and she continues her pastoral outreach and invites all people to follow the way of Jesus. The Church does not want the teaching and beauty of marriage, which is a sacrament at the service of union (communion and mission), to be an occasion for deeper division.
Sexuality is a good part of our human nature. The Church, the Body of Christ, encourages all of us to seek forgiveness for human weakness and poor judgment in areas of human sexuality, which often results in human tragedy of the highest proportions.
The Church knows well that sexual sins are not the only sins in the world. Greed, anger, violence, and envy cause untold pain to millions. Yet the Church also understands that sexual lifestyles that disregard marriage as the union of one man and one woman are particularly destructive to lives, to marriage, and to families.
In our culture today, it’s common to hear the words “choice,” “rights,” “tolerance,” and “equality,” particularly among young people, and often in connection with issues such as marriage or sexual expression. But what do these words really mean? Growing up as they do in a world filled with brokenness and rejection, young people are hungry for something more, for something substantial, for the truth. One of the greatest assets of youth is their hunger and enthusiasm. All too often today this hunger is ill fed. The Church invites all of us to proclaim the truth in love as we also live in the light of truth.
Marriage and Religious Liberty Stand - or Fall - Together
Marriage, the lifelong and exclusive union of one man and one woman, is a distinct good in itself, and deserves to be protected. At the same time, because marriage and the family are the foundation of society, proposals to “extend” and ultimately “redefine” marriage to include two persons of the same sex threaten not only to empty marriage of its meaning, but also to collapse other fundamental pillars of society. One of those pillars is religious liberty.
The third installment of Marriage: Unique for a Reason, "Made For Freedom" (posted to the left) discusses how religious liberty is “the right to live in the truth of one’s faith and in conformity with one’s transcendent dignity as a person” (CA, no. 47). It entails not only the freedom to worship in private, but also the freedom to follow the tenets of one’s faith in the public sphere. The threat to religious liberty is not (as is commonly assumed) that clergy would be forced to officiate at “weddings” of two persons of the same sex. Instead, the threats are much subtler. The law will not tolerate people and organizations acting against what are commonly held to be democratic values. If opposing same-sex “marriage” is held to be equivalent to the opposition to inter-racial marriage common generations ago, then those who hold this view will be regarded, and treated, as racial bigots. While holding these views would not be against the law per se, the law – and society in general – has ways of punishing, stigmatizing and marginalizing such people, e.g., denying them professional licenses (as therapists, for operating a radio or television station, running a school, etc.), denying tax-exempt status to non-profit organizations, denial of the right to conscientious objection, and so on.
The truth about marriage is an integral aspect of Jesus’ teaching. But contemporary laws that “redefine” marriage to include two persons of the same sex threaten to stifle the Church’s ability to teach publicly about and witness to the uniqueness of marriage as a lifelong bond between one man and one woman. Numerous incidents have already occurred where Christians’ fidelity to the truth about marriage has been condemned as “bigoted” or “hate speech,” with the consequence of professionals being sued (and losing), churches having their tax-exemption revoked, and even ordained ministers being denied the right to teach publicly their religion’s beliefs in this matter.
Marriage must be protected for its own sake, and not just for the sake of preserving religious liberty. However, the consequences of changing the legal definition of marriage are vast, and threaten to encroach upon the Church’s ability to witness to Christ in the public square. This is why the relationship between marriage and religious liberty is a crucial topic needing close attention.