MARRIAGE ISSUES

“After my marriage failed I felt unsupported in so many ways—by my family, people at my parish, even some of my friends. I walked away from a Church which I felt didn’t care. When I remarried, institutional religion really didn’t have much of a role in my life. But I still prayed, and I guess God answered my prayers with a loving, caring partner. We’ve both rediscovered our roots in the Church, and want to find our way back. But I’m afraid there are complications with the Church’s law that I don’t understand. Will it be embarrassing to my spouse and children? What do I have to do to get reconnected?”
 
Response:
Broken marriages are painful experiences that might be compared to open-heart surgery without anesthesia.  Because of these ruptures in God’s family, the prophet Malachi was inspired to write: “I hate divorce, says the Lord the God if Israel” (Mal 2:16).  Subsequently, Jesus was adamant divorce and remarriage is not permissible if the first marriage was valid:
“Every one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery” (Lk 16:18).
 
So while the Catholic Church necessarily upholds the definitive teaching of Christ, she is painfully aware of the wounds of divorce and strives to heal them.  The annulment process is a legal process in the Church that has brought closure and healing to those who have been divorced and remarried.  This careful process does not attempt to blame the former spouses, but to examine the bond of Marriage to see if it meets the standards of a sacramental marriage.  If it does not, the Church declares that the marriage never existed although it was a binding civil marriage.  When the Church issues the decree of nullity, the parties are free to marry in the Church.
 
Do not fear this process because it will bring a final healing to your former brokenness.
 

NOT FED

“I grew up in the Church. As a child, I loved the stories about great figures of the Bible and about Jesus. As I grew older, I knew they were more than stories—they embodied a way of life. I gave myself to that way for a long time, but somehow, the communities I worshiped in never seemed to “grow up” with me. I felt treated like I was part of an assembly-line religion, a “fast-food” kind of faith. I needed to be fed and nourished on “adult food,” the tough and challenging message of the gospel. So I looked elsewhere. But I still miss something. Is that message being preached in the Church today?”
 
Response:
It is a great tragedy that your experience is a common one.  It is beyond the scope of this reply to examine the causes, except to admit candidly that many of those charged with teaching the faith failed to impart it faithfully.  In this regard, it is particularly important that the fullness of truth is presented with its biblical foundations. 
 
Fortunately, there is a great resurgence in Catholic biblical studies, which has resulted in the publication of excellent educational resources in the form of books and CDs.  In addition there are numerous adult classes available, which enlighten one’s understanding and grab one’s heart.  It’s amazing to witness the enthusiasm and excitement of Catholics when they discover the biblical roots of all the Catholic teachings they embraced as children, but with this difference – now they have an adult understanding.  Look to joining a Catholic Bible study and consider joining your parish’s OCIA (Order of Christian Initiation of Adults).
 
Jesus is calling you.  Come home!

DRIFTED AWAY

“I don’t know how I left the Church. There wasn’t really any one reason. Life moved on, and so did I. Career, relationships, other concerns…perhaps no one noticed I was gone. And maybe I wished someone would have come looking for me. But lately, I feel Some One has—is it God’s Spirit within, calling me home? Where can I re-connect?”
 
Response:  
Francis Thompson’s wonderful poem, The Hound of Heaven, describes his drift from God and Jesus’ relentless pursuit:

Nigh and nigh draws the chase,
With unperturbed pace,
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy ;
And past those noisèd Feet
A Voice comes yet more fleet --
"Lo ! naught contents thee, who content'st not Me."
 
Your story is so common one might say to you, “Welcome to the human race.”  Even a towering figure like St. Augustine experienced a drift from God.  After his conversion he lamented, “How late have I loved Thee!”
 
You are correct.  Jesus the good shepherd is calling you back.  Start by visiting a priest and unburden yourself with a good confession.  Someone dear to me was away from the church for 20 years and had two bad marriages.  Through the help of an understanding priest he is fully reconciled.  Now he brings the Eucharist to the sick and home-bound.
 
Welcome home!

QUARREL WITH STAFF

“They say the Church has a human face. Well, the last face I saw in the Church was all-too human! I don’t know if the person responsible for my ‘parting of the ways’ with the Catholic Church back then ever knew the damage that was done. The details of the incident are as fresh as yesterday. I was insulted, hurt and left with a bitter taste each time I drove past my parish. It was a long, long time before I could even walk back into a Catholic Church—that’s how painful that experience was. But over time, I’ve begun to wonder: Should I let one person’s action exclude me from God’s gift of faith?” 

Response:
Scandal is a terrible thing regardless of its form.  Thus, Jesus said, “Woe to the world for temptations to sin [literally scandals]” (Mt 18:7).  Think how hurt Jesus was by the kiss of Judas, which in the Greek text means “to kiss much.”  Yet he reached out to Judas by calling him “Friend.”  Later Jesus overheard Peter cursing and taking an oath that he didn’t even know him.  Who can imagine the blows to the loving heart of Jesus.
 
Little Maria Goretti, not yet twelve, was stabbed 14 times by twenty-year-old Alessandro Serenelli because she refused his sexual advances.  Subsequently, she endured two hours of surgery without anesthesia in a desperate attempt to save her life.  She said, “I forgive him.  I want him to be in heaven with me.”  Forgiveness freed her heart.  Had she done otherwise, she would have done more harm to her soul than Alessandro did to her body.
 
Free yourself be forgiving he person you harmed you so painfully those many years ago.  Then come back to Jesus.  He is waiting for you with open arms.
 

DIFFICULTY WITH CHURCH TEACHING

“Some of the Church's teachings seem just plain wrong to me. How can I deny what is perfectly obvious to me just so that I can toe the Church's party line? I could not respect myself if I said "yes" to what I see as false. Besides, a lot of things have changed over the years. Who is to say that the teaching I can't accept today won't change in the future? Why is the Catholic Church so inflexible?”
 
Response:  
Your difficulty is common in a world that denies objective, immutable truths and has embraced relativism. Today we are faced with three opposed worldviews.  Let’s delineate them.
 
Faith in Christ’s infallible Church
Jesus gave Peter and his successors the infallible (inerrant) authority to decide matters pertaining to faith and morals: “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.  I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Mt 16:18-19).  God cannot bind or loose in heaven anything that is false.
 
Subsequently, St. Paul had a great deal to say about truth.  In his first letter to Timothy, he called the Church “the pillar and bulwark of the truth” (1 Tim 3:15).  In his letter to the Galatians he addressed the challenge of false brethren and added: “to them we did not yield submission even for a moment, that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you” (Gal 2:5).  In his letter to the Romans he addressed the evil of the pagan society in which they lived: “They exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator” (Rom 1:25).
 
Trust Your interpretation of the Bible
This is the fundamental principle of Protestantism, known as sola scriptura – by the Bible alone.  The problem here is that it leads to doctrinal and moral anarchy as 33,830 denominations disagree with each other while claiming to base their unique beliefs on their ultimate source, the Bible.
 
Relativism: There is no Absolute Truth
There is your truth and there is my truth, but there is no absolute truth.  This is the prevailing perspective in our secular society.  The results of this philosophy are evident in the crime, violence and chaos reported to us on a daily basis.
 
Only faith in Christ’s infallible Church makes sense.  However faith is not opposed to reason.  Indeed, they compliment each other.  Often the difficulties you mention are resolved once the reasons for the Church’s controversial positions are carefully examined.  The history of the human race shows we have a limitless propensity to justify our favorite sins while condemning the sins that we do not hold dear.